Don't Sweat Where You Eat
by FactofFiction
Summary: Ziva may insist that she avoids the NCIS gym for her workouts, but don't be fooled. After all, the office gym has some pretty great perks. One-shot involving locker room showers...


**Hello.**

 **This is what happens when I get stressed about finals. I write a bunch of one-shots off my long list of ideas. I've had this one sitting on a google doc for over a year and I just couldn't get it to work out in my mind. Ironically, my total reluctance to do school work was what motivated me to actually figure this out. Yikes.**

 **Anyway, yay for more Tiva hook-up scenarios. I'd say this is set right in the Shiva era, possibly even within the timeline of the episode (but AU of course). Basically: what could have been if Tony had decided to take their "post elevator us" talk to another level and stop being a scared little shit with his feelings.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy this short, plotless one shot. I know it made my heart happy to write.**

 **Obviously, I own nothing.**

* * *

Ziva glanced down at her hands, her chest heaving with each labored breath. She cursed herself for forgetting to pick up more tape the other day. Her knuckles were sure to bruise after today's bag workout. Her old gym always had extra tape available for anyone who happened to run out or forget theirs; a courtesy the NCIS gym failed to provide. When she made a comment about the shortcoming, Tony had made a grandiose speech about the proper use of taxpayer money. Ziva had let the subject go. She still didn't totally understand the American Tax System.

Now she almost wished she had pushed the point farther. NCIS agents risk their lives every day to protect the people of this country, can they not extend a few dollars here and there to ensure the agent's knuckles are properly taped during a workout?

Truthfully, Ziva missed her old gym. The rubber floors, the overhead lights, the soft grip dumbbells. But mostly, she missed the structurally sound punching bags. She rolled onto the balls of her feet to inspect the chain holding the bag in front of her. It was rusted, but it seemed to be holding up alright. She could probably go for another round…

A door opened in the back of the gym. Ziva glanced down at her watch. He was early.

 _Impatient man,_ she thought as she took a step back, resuming her form and taking a few more swings at the faded red punching bag. She kept her eyes forward and watched him move through her peripheral vision. He looked around casually as he walked, taking note of the number of people also using the gym and cataloging their positions. She had done the same thing when she came in and made a point to update her intel whenever she stopped to take a water break. Currently, there were 3 men working out alongside her. Two of them were over by the weights, spotting each other and making loud comments about beating their max weights (she was starting to think the comments were for her benefit, but either way, she was not interested). The third was on a treadmill in the corner, watching what looked like a basketball game on the big screen in front of him. He had been there when she arrived, and he didn't look like he was close to finishing. She had seen the flash of a wedding band on his finger and considered the fact that perhaps the gym was the only place he could watch the game in peace.

She watched the new man pause as he approached the two locker room doors, remarkably close to each other for some reason. He craned his neck to look in her direction and gave a slight nod before slipping into the second door.

The women's locker room.

She smiled a bit to herself as she got in a few more hits. She preferred the women's locker room. It didn't smell as bad. And the shower stalls were remarkably bigger, not to mention the little shelf carved out in the corner meant to hold shampoo or soap. The men's showers didn't have that. And she found it to be a rather convenient foothold in a pinch.

She swung her hip around to connect a solid kick before standing up straight and gently catching the red bag as it swung back her way. She steadied it, sparing another glance up to the rusted chain before deciding it was going to hold, at least for now, and letting go. She reached down for her water bottle and made her way to the nearest bench where she had tossed her workout bag. She sat for a moment, catching her breath and letting herself take another quick inventory of the fellow gym-goers before reaching into the front pocket and retrieving her phone.

 **Third from the back. Nobody in here.**

She went to shove the device back into her bag but paused when it buzzed in her hand.

 **And bring protection. I just realized I'm out.**

She quickly unzipped the large pocket and rifled around until she found her stash of foil packets. She let out a sigh of relief before biting back a bitter laugh. Condoms in her gym bag. Since when did she stoop this low?

Her phone buzzed again.

 **And hurry. I'm getting cold.**

Oh right. Since she started sleeping with _him._

She quickly zipped her bag back up and tossed it over her shoulder. She spared the two weightlifters in the corner a smile before turning to head toward the locker room. She kept her pace purposefully slow, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention. She was just going to take a shower. No need to act excited.

She was almost there, so close to the door she could practically touch it when she saw movement from the far corner. The door to the gym opened. A woman, someone vaguely familiar in that "I work with you but I've never spoken to you" sort of way, walked in with a large bag over her shoulder and a tight tank top covering her sports bra.

 _Shit,_ she thought, her body freezing as she foolishly tried to plan her next move. She should just open the door, head inside and make a loud and pointed greeting as the other woman followed her. She wouldn't draw too much suspicion for being friendly and he would know to keep a low profile until their unplanned visitor left. Yeah, that was a good plan. She would do that.

But, by the time she had gotten around to actually reaching for the door handle, it was gone. The door was open, or more accurately shutting, as she watched the outline of the woman walking farther into the locker room.

 _Double shit,_ she thought as she quickly pushed it open again and went inside. She was just opening her mouth to start her loud, pointed greeting when she heard the sound of metal scraping on metal as the curtain of the third to last shower from the back flung open. She watched in horror as a form emerged from it, buck naked and clearly, obviously very obviously very much not a woman.

The woman didn't react to the sound or the movement. She simply turned, putting her bag down on a bench before reaching for one of the locks on the wall. As she moved, Ziva noticed a small white device in her ear. Headphones. She was wearing headphones.

The emerging man, however, noticed the unfamiliar woman instantly. He froze, his mouth dropping open as he looked farther toward the door until he saw his familiar one. She was sending him death glares and making large motions for him to get back in the shower. _NOW._

Thankfully, the look in her eye was enough to get his feet working again, and he quickly retreated, pulling the curtain shut just in time for the woman to reach up and remove her headphones. Ziva could faintly hear the music coming through them once they were out of her ear. She hoped that was enough noise to mask the second scraping sound.

It appeared to be.

She looked over at Ziva and offered a smile. Ziva returned it, forcing herself to move deeper into the room and set her bag on a bench closer to the shower she knew was occupied. She unzipped it once again, pulling out a towel and moving to hang it outside of that third to last stall. There was already a towel hanging there.

 _Ugh. Stupid man._

The woman noticed her hesitancy, " I saw that when I walked in. Do you think someone left it? Should we take it over to the lost and found?"

Ziva sighed, "I am sure if it was left, the owner will be back to get it. Or else it does not matter very much to them."

The woman nodded, "I suppose that is true."

Ziva smiled again and settled for putting her towel on the opposite side of the stall. She then turned back to her bag, barely swiping it with her knee, but nonetheless causing it to fall over and spill its contents onto the floor.

She let out a quiet curse in Hebrew as she bent down and started gathering her things. She looked up when she heard a quiet giggle from the other side of the room.

The woman was looking directly at a group of purple and silver squares splayed across the floor.

"I guess you MCRT agents really are prepared for _anything_ , huh?" She laughed after the comment, clearly making it into a joke.

But Ziva didn't feel like joking. Not with such a bright blush creeping up her neck.

She forced herself to smile, "You can never be too careful, yes?"

"Safe sex is responsible sex. At least, that's what the pamphlets say." The woman smiled one more time as she popped the headphones back into her ears and grabbed her water bottle, making her way over to the door and, mercifully, leaving.

Ziva hissed as she shoved the rest of her things back into the bag, pausing to retrieve one of the shiny squares and holding the corner with her teeth as she finished cleaning up. Then she stood and stripped quickly, peeling off her sweaty t-shirt and tossing it onto the bench before making her leggings and undergarments follow suit. She heard the water turn on in the third stall as she approached it and tugged the curtain back. She found him huddled in the corner, avoiding the stream of cold water until it started to take on a more appropriate temperature.

"That was a close one," he commented as he watched her step inside and pull the curtain behind her.

"Honestly, Tony, do you even _think_ before you act? What if that woman had seen you in here? Naked?"

He shrugged, "I would have played dumb. Or maybe drunk. Pretend I stumbled into the wrong locker room."

She shook her head as she moved to let the water run through her now loose hair, "Perfect. Drunk at the office. Get yourself fired while you are at it."

He reached out and rested a hand on her bare waist as the water ran over it, "Look, I get that it wasn't my finest moment. But hey, she didn't see me. She didn't see us. We have nothing to worry about."

"Until she finishes her work out and comes back in to get her stuff. Or worse, to _shower."_

"Come on, Zi. She'll be at least 30 minutes."

"And?"

He reached out for her hand, slowly prying open the fist and grabbing the shiny packet she had clenched inside, "And you only brought one of these with you. Last time I checked, one condom does not last us 30 minutes. At least, not when we're in the shower. And there's water running down your skin. And your lips still taste like sweat. And your nipples get hard every time you step out from under-"

She didn't let him finish, pushing him back against the slick wall and claiming his lips with hers. He smiled as his hands slid across her stomach and around her waist. She took the opportunity to force his lips apart and slid her tongue into his mouth, moving closer to press her chest against his.

Goosebumps rose across both of their wet bodies as they lost all contact with the warm stream of water and started pressing harder against each other for warmth. Their kisses grew deeper, and their hands became more urgent in their pursuits of each other. Soon, Ziva found herself pulling back just a bit and tugging the foil packet out of his hand. She brought it up to her mouth and ripped it open with her teeth.

He groaned as she reached down to slide the condom over him.

"See, when you do stuff like that, it decreases our time. At this point, we'll be lucky if we get to 10 minutes."

She laughed lightly as she gripped his hips and pulled herself flush against him, "Shut up and fuck me, Tony."

He nodded as he looked down and started positioning them, hiking her up and setting her foot on the ledge beside him, "As you wish."

* * *

She squinted at her phone screen as she adjusted the towel on her body.

"What time do you think we actually got started?" She asked, glancing back in his general direction. She found him tugging his shorts over his hips.

"I don't know. I was trapped in the shower for a while before you finally decided to join me."

She sighed, "Five minutes tops, Tony. And waiting is good for you. It builds character."

He huffed and she sent him a wink.

"Why are you asking what time we started?"

She put the phone back down as she grabbed her bra and started putting it on, "I think we lasted a bit longer than 10 minutes."

He laughed, "What, are we keeping tabs on this now?"

She shrugged, "No, I was just thinking about the time since you brought it up earlier."

"Well, come by my place tomorrow night and we can set a stopwatch. Dry sex is really where I shine anyway."

She laughed again as she buttoned up her jeans, "I would not agree."

His eyebrows shot up as he zipped his own bag and threw it over his shoulder, "You don't?"

"No. You are about equal in both."

"Hm."

She looked around, "Speaking of time, how long are you planning on working out?"

"Why?"

She shrugged, "I was going to make some spaghetti tonight. Thought you might want to join."

He smiled, reaching out to pull her closer to him and dropping a light kiss on her forehead, "I'll be there. I can't imagine I'll work out for more than an hour or so. After all, I don't need to worry about cardio."

He shot her a dramatic wink and she laughed.

"Good. See you at my place in an hour or so."

He paused, "You sure you don't want me to stop by mine and shower first? I might be smelly."

She shrugged, "I have a shower. Besides, now we have a record to beat, do we not? Do you think you can beat your roughly 10 minutes after you've had something to eat?"

He scrunched his face, "I don't know, Zi. You really shouldn't sweat where you eat."

She punched him as she threw her bag over her own shoulder, "Shut up, DiNozzo."

He laughed as they walked over to the door together, "Make me, David."

She eyed him for a moment before nodding, "Okay. I will."

His eyes widened and a wicked smile spread across his face.

"Later," she tugged the door open and looked around the gym as she made her way to the exit. She saw the 3 men and now 1 woman all too engrossed in their own workouts to pay her much attention.

She looked down at her phone and sent him an all clear text. She could barely hear the sound of one locker room door closing and another opening as she reached for the handle of the exterior doors.

She examined her knuckles as she made her way out to her mini. They were tender, and there were already faint green circles marking the skin around them. She was certainly going to be bruised for a few days. This would have never happened at her old gym.

 _Yeah, but the office gym sure has its perks,_ she thought to herself as she ran an absent hand up her thigh, feeling the slightly tender spots the closer it got to her hip. Those would probably bruise too. Hopefully, the marks don't come out looking _too_ much like the flat palm that made them. She would hate to have to lie her way out of that… _again._


End file.
